We will be hearing the pitter-patter of four paws very soon. I’m kinda excited to welcome a new member to the pack, I still miss my baby girl Chase something terrible, but I think this new friend will bring balance back to the house. I’ll post pictures as soon as she arrives.

Not much going on with the baby news, just playing the waiting game right now. I’ll know more next week, hopefully. Cross your fingers for us.

Dayle and I got the chance to see a free screening of 500 Days of Summer last night. I have been waiting for a movie that I can be obsessive about while I wait for New Moon and it looks like this one will do. Truly a great film. I really liked the way it was shot, loved the graininess and color of the film. And seriously you can’t go wrong with a film that uses The Smiths and Hall and Oats on their soundtrack. I highly recommend it.

I got the green light from the doc to keep on trucking with the baby plans. It feels good to be able to move forward. No more blood tests! Courtney is not so hip about all the technical baby talk, he says it takes the romance out of it. I’ve been keeping track of all the little details, right down to my moods each day. If we have to get outside help I will have many spreadsheets and charts with all the data they could ever want.

Work on both fronts are going well. The real job is pretty awesome right now. I’ve picked up two more fairly high level projects and I’m on target for a promotion come January, as long as there is no restrictions on promotions next year. I so could use the increase in pay too…which leads me to the dream I had last night….

It was so weird. Jack and Peggy showed up with keys to a new blue Hyundai…normally Hyundai’s are not my automobile of choice but I’m not one to turn my nose up at a free car. Then Jack says there’s more, open the glovebox in the car. I run over to the car and open it up, a piece of paper falls out with a number on it, $1,647,000. I look at Peggy and ask what it means, she tells me that Jack got some award for catching these international thieves and he wanted to split the reward with the three kids. I started crying and I look over at Peggy and say, “Peggy, do you know what this means?? I can get a dishwasher now!” She says “Elisabet, I think you can get more than a dishwasher”. Then I wake up. What does it all mean? And why do I remember such and odd figure? So weird.

Nothing special planned for the weekend, just the usual house chores crap. Probably hanging with the family on Sunday. The weather will be nice, maybe I’ll actually get some color.

I’m still dealing with the whole miscarriage deal, many trips to the doc’s office to have blood drawn. I’m so ready for this all to be over. Hopefully after tomorrow’s test my hormone levels will be at zero.

I took tomorrow off from work and I’m hoping that I can get a chunk of my To Do List done tomorrow. It has been an amazing week weather-wise here in the desert. Triple digits can suck it! I’m also hoping to scrapbook a little this weekend. I’ll be attending crop night on Saturday with my friend Dana. I think I’m going to work on Maggie’s album a bit more. And I’m hoping to spend as little $$ as possible. Seriously, there is no reason for me to be buying more scrapbooking crap.

I’m also hoping to spend some time updating my photo library. I have become one of those people that take a ton of pictures but somehow those pics never leave the camera. This is what happens when you stop taking the pills that help you stay focused. Uploading pics is high on my list, hopefully I can get that done this weekend.

Things are good, while I’m still sad about the miscarriage I am finding comfort in knowing that I was able to get pregnant. Until now I really had no idea. I’m still having my hCG levels checked every few days to ensure that they return to zero. I hate going to the doctor’s office. It’s always full of pregnant women and that just makes me sad. Coutrney and I are still going to keep trying and we hope that something will stick this time. I’m taking this as a sign to get my shit together while I still have a chance.

The past month has just been a crazy mess. I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed at work and just getting pulled in many directions. I decided to stay off the crazy pills while we’re trying to get pregnant so that means that my focus on any one thing for more than five minutes is basically zero. I’m almost done with my piece of a big project at work so I am at least seeing some light at the end of the tunnel.

The second job has actually been pretty good to me during this rough patch. They gave me this week off which has helped out so much. I work on Sunday morning but I’m off for the rest of the week. We’ve been painting the house, slowly, but at least it’s getting done. It looks so much better, so much more up to date with the rest of the neighborhood. We have a little bit of tax return $$ to spend, we’ve narrowed down the choices to three, a microhood, kitchen sink or pressure washer. The microhood might actually be a wee bit out of our reach right now, we would have to put in some extra $$ to get it and I’m not sure I want to do that yet.

Granny Fern is in town for a bit which means that we’ll be heading over to the other Hannafin house to enjoy some family time on Sunday. Hopefully it won’t be too hot to hang out in the backyard. It’s rainy and cloudy today here in desert. I’m going to get some work done then head home, make some chili, and possibly some croissant dough. Enjoy your holiday weekend!

I’m not pregnant after all.

I don’t know what to say or how to feel about that right now. Everything happens for a reason I know but this was supposed to be my turn. I’m sad, angry and confused. I’m a mess.

Since Thursday afternoon I had been feeling really sick, bloated and just completely uncomfortable. Friday I barely ate and what I did eat just made me feel like poop. Being at work and sitting up straight was just a struggle. I woke up yesterday not feeling much better but Dayle and I had a plan to do some shoe shopping and I was not about to let this morning sickness win.

Since we were going to be in north Scottsdale I asked if we could stop by the Whole Foods to pick up more morning sickness pills which so far seem to settle my tummy quite well. This is where it all goes terribly wrong……I walked in the store and I must have know something was going to happen because I was already scanning the place for the location of the bathroom. I grabbed the box of pills turn the corner to head back towards the register and right at the honey display I lost it. Everything came flying out like a busted water pipe. I ran over to the dude at the seafood counter told him that I needed a clean up before someone slipped in my mess…I just barely got that out when it started again…this time I hit the trashcan. It was a total mess. I ran to the bathroom, called Dayle and asked her to come in. She poked her head in and asked “so do you feel better now?”…I replied, “I totally feel so much better!” I was covered in vomit but I felt SOOO much better! Remember how you used to feel after a night of drinking too much and if you could just throw up you know that you could get back to drinking…yep, this is how I felt. Thankfully, the store wasn’t crowed so I didn’t cause that much of scene. And thankfully I have such a great friend like Dayle to help me feel less embarrassed.

I know the whole morning sickness part of pregnancy was never meant to be fun but I had really hoped that I would be one of those lucky women who never get it. I beginning to think that those women don’t exsist and that it’s all a big scam made up by other moms to lure women into motherhood. I know I’m not the only one who has posed this question before but who named it morning sickness? Seriously, it happens all day long, I got it last night just after I went to bed. I was so uncomfortable, tossing and turning all night. Finally around 3am it passed and I got about two hours of sleep before I get up.

I have my first doctor appointment this Wednesday. Hopefully I like this doc because the pool to choose from that are affiliated with the hospital I want to use is very small. I’m not sure why that is because it’s a really nice hospital. I’m not looking forward to all these doctors poking at me, it does not sound like fun at all. Men have it so easy…..ARRGGHH!

And I’m not really feeling any different than before except that I am completely exhausted beyond belief. If I could sleep all day for a week I totally would. I haven’t had any withdrawal issues from the crazy meds like I thought I would have had during the first few days. Giving up coffee has been more difficult, I miss my one cup a day routine each morning. This past Monday I think I had a sugar overload which made me feel icky for the next two days. And then on Wednesday I was in such a rush to get out of the house that I didn’t grab anything to eat, by 1030am I was feeling really icky. I ran out to AJ’s, grabbed a salad, croissant and lemonade then proceeded to eat everything like they were tictacs.

I still kinda don’t believe that there is a baby growing inside of me. Its so hard to tell what’s going on the inside and without seeing any evidence it makes it hard to believe. I think I’m further along than the doctors think that I am. I think I’m more like six-seven weeks along. Since my WW membership is on hold I’m kinda curious to see if I have gained anything. I still watch what I eat but I’m not as good about it as I have been.

I have the entire weekend off from the second job which kicks ass. Seriously, that job is sucking the life out of me. We have a new boss and she has decided to hire everyone from her old job and we’re being ‘managed’ out so to speak. As much as I want to quit, I don’t want to give them the satisfaction of winning. Two people that I enjoyed working with are gone. My friend Alex and I are never scheudled on the same days so that leaves me working with the newbies all the time. And seriously they do not know a damn thing about cooking or the equipment. I laugh everytime they are confronted by a customer with a question that only a chef or someone in the industry would know…they totally blow smoke out of their asses. So frustrating. I’m going to work on my resume this weekend and start sending it out to other places…I don’t know how much more I can take from that place.

The real job is actually going really well. I’m getting the additional work that I wanted but now that the crazy pills are gone I’m finding it VERY difficult to concentrate on what needs to get done. I have a ton of data entry work that needs to get done, but I can only get it done in little spurts. I can’t seem to stay focused on one task for more than ten minutes. I’m actually surprised that I have been writing this post for longer than ten minutes. It also doesn’t help much that some of the tasks I’m doing are completely new to me and I don’t want to screw it up so it’s taking longer for me to get through it. I have re-read the same three emails for the past week just trying to absorb what needs to be done. It’s just not sticking in my head these days.

With that note, I should get back to work…at least look like I’m working for the next twenty minutes or so.