I come home from work hoping to enjoy a cool tasty treat on this 100 degree day, but instead my refrigerator is craping out. It’s barely five years old! It’s not a fancy model, white, simple, one would think that it should last longer. So now I’m freaking out. How much is it going to cost to fix, is it even fixable and how much will a new one cost? Then this has me thinking about the whole baby thing. If we can barely afford a new fridge how could we afford a kid? If we buy a fridge at full retail price that pretty much wipes out any saving we have. Savings that I have been hoarding away for the last few months in the hopes to have some sort of cushion should a car crap out. It’s things like this that make me think that having a kid isn’t in our cards. I know that you’re never ready to have kids but I feel like one needs to be more prepared than we are. I suppose I need to roll with the punches and cross my fingers that we win the lottery.
Ending on a good note
The week started out stressful and frustrating. I swear we must have sent out like fifty resumes and not a single response. I was so tired of looking at craigslist, and revising cover letters, I never want to see those again! By Friday, there was light at the end of the tunnel, Courtney had two responses, and one of which wanted an interview! He went to the interview yesterday and it turned out to that he walked out of there with a completely different job than what he went in for! He starts tomorrow and from what it sounds like he will have the potential for growth! I am so excited for him and relieved that cash flow will soon be back to normal.
This week I also turned thirty-eight. I am now closer to forty than thirty, which in my book isn’t a good thing. With all the joblessness stress it was a very low-key birthday celebration. I babysat the twins, Cathy brought home flowers and cake, which the twins helped me blow out the candles. On Saturday, Brian took me out to see our favorite spa gal, Kathy, and he treated me to a microderm facial. It’s been a year since I’ve had one and boy did I need it! Then we had brunch at Scratch. It was nice hanging out with my BFF Brian. Courtney wanted to go out to dinner but that would require getting in the shower, finding non-wrinkled clothes and dealing with the public, all of which I was in no mood for. So we ordered take out and had a nice dinner at home. I did also get the chance to venture out to Scrapbooks-Etc for a little birthday scrapbook shopping. I am in the middle of cleaning the scrapbook table today, hopefully this week I can get some layouts done.
I know that this hiccup that we are going through is suppose to teach us something, but it is so hard to see the good in situations like these. I tried my best to remain hopeful and it did feel like things were moving towards something bigger, I just wish I knew what that was. What I did learn so far is that I can live with less and our family and friends support us even when we make bad decisions. I’m a big believer that there is a plan that we are suppose to be following and as long as I put good out there, I will get good back.
Speaking of living with less….I had to cancel my XM subscription that I”ve had for the last five years. After one week I have discovered that Phoenix radio still sucks camel balls. So I’ve been listening to podcasts, Slacker and Pandora, but I miss the Martha Stewart channel. When things are fruitful again I will have to signup again.
The worst has happened
And I have no plan, no idea what to do next. I’m trying to come to grips that we will have to sell our home. For most people a house is just a house, but it’s not like that for us. It’s where Courtney and his family lived for many years and it was suppose the home that we would have for many years. It’s embarassing and a huge hit on our pride to be in this situtation. I know that we are not alone in this, millions of Americans are, I just didn’t think that it would happen to us. I thought we could weather the storm and get through this.
I’m making a list of all things unnecessary and things are going to get chopped. I hate to give up my iphone but it looks like I will have to. The data plan is just too much. I’m taking a mental inventory of everything we have in the house…huge garage sale coming soon if you are in the Biltmore area.
I know that if Courtney gets two jobs we could make it….the problem is finding those two jobs. I know that there is higher purpose for us to be going through this but at this very moment I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have faith, but right now it’s really hard to keep thinking that when your world as you know it is crumbling. What I do know is that I love my family, friends, our dogs and I am greatful to have two jobs.
Can I get a break here??
Oh man where do I start??
Last Thursday we had to say goodbye to our beloved Joey. It was horrible and my heart it totally broken. I guess he ate something he shouldn’t have and there was no way that he could recover if they did surgery to repair his intestines. He was in pain and suffering so we thought this was the best decision. He’s now in heaven playing with Chase. I miss him terribly.
Courtney’s job may be in jeopardy so that has also got me stressed out. It’s so not a good time to be loosing a well paying job. Please send good thoughts in his direction for a positive outcome.
With all this going on my job has been stressful. There is lots to do and only little old me to do it. I think I broke a couple of servers to day. Thankfully there isn’t anything in them so there was impact to anyone’s applications. Hopefully I can figure out what went wrong tomorrow.
I’m hoping for a better Wednesday.
Overwhelming sadness
I’m not pregnant after all.
I don’t know what to say or how to feel about that right now. Everything happens for a reason I know but this was supposed to be my turn. I’m sad, angry and confused. I’m a mess.
WTF?
I’m watching yesterday’s episode of Oprah, it’s all about saving money at the grocery store. The first family eats nothing but processed frozen foods and spend a ton of $$ at the store. In swoops Oprah and her team to save the day. What I am completely dismayed about is that the mom had no clue how to cook anything! I get that some people are good cooks, fine..but they try to cook. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to cook the recipe off the Campbells Cream of Mushroom can…I just don’t get it. Where were these women when they were growing up and their moms cooked for them? Did they just not pay attention or ask questions about how mom made her fabulous mashed potatoes? I just don’t think there is any excuse to not make an attempt to cook in this day and age. There are so many video tutorials about cooking, there is even an entire television network dedicated to food! AARRRGGH! So frustrating!
It’s all strange to me
This Facebook thing has really been weird. Lots of people from my past have found me, which for the most part is cool. Now I didn’t really have a fabulous high school experience at either school I went to. I wasn’t popular, no one knew me..I just kinda hung out in the shadows for four years. Freshman year was the worst. I have no good memories of that year, it was a year filled with tears and pain. Moving to Phoenix at the start of my sophomore year was a death sentence to me but it actually turned out to be a blessing. There were still tears and heartache but I made it through. What I find odd about this Facebook thing is that I get friend requests from people who were not particularly nice to me through high school. I remember clearly the pain that some of these people put me through and now they want to be my friend? Do they not remember that they teased me and basically made high school a living hell for me? I suppose that I’m holding grudges, really I forgive them for being assholes but it’s still hard to forget. I still add them as friends because I’m trying to be the bigger person, but I find it all very weird.
I have another odd story about Facebook and old friends…..Senior year I hung out with a crew where I actually fit in and had a really strong connection with. It’s from this group that I have some of my most treasured friendships. We were very tight and we all went through so much as a group. People grow apart, I get that and that’s totally expected and natural. I saw that a friend from my old crew was on Facebook so I sent a friend request which he accepted. The last time I spoke to this person was almost ten years ago, I was excited to get to know him and who he is now. We exchanged a few Facebook chats but that was pretty much it. One day I posted some pictures of the gang from back in the day and when I went to tag this person I found out that I was no longer on his friend list. This was a person that I once was really close to so I just found the whole un-friending thing odd. I actually felt a little hurt. I thought that maybe it was a mistake, a slip of the mouse. The thing is that he kept other friends from our group on his friend list. I decided to reach out to him and find out what’s going on. Well that email went unanswered. It’s his right to add and remove people whenever he pleases, but it just seemed out of character for him to single me out. Even on Facebook I feel like I’m the outsider, reliving high school all over again. Fabulous.
The economy is sucking the life out of me
Seriously it really is. The reason why I have been absent the last few weeks is because I was too busy freaking out if would be impacted with my company’s layoffs. It was stressing me out and I’m sure those around me were getting tired of my freakouts. The thing is that I’m not on the front lines working with the end client and if you’re not in one of those positions you’re never really sure if you’ll get a pink slip or not. The good news is that I will still have my job for the remainder of 2009.
I’ve never really been the kind of person that watches the news on a daily basis. I check out the headlines on Google News and tune in every now and again for the weather reports. That’s pretty much the extend of it for me. Since the first of the year I have been obsessively reading the news about the economy and it is sucking whatever creative juices I have right out of me. All this crap about CEOs taking TARP funds and then paying themselves huge bonuses just makes me sick. I’ve never had money like that to piss away a million dollars to redecorate my office but if I was in their position I don’t think I would behave so poorly. Why should these CEOs get rewarded for throwing their corporations down the drain? It makes no sense to me. I believe that CEOs need to take responsibility for letting their company’s go down the crapper. I support the rule to cap salaries of CEOs that take bailout funds. Although I think $500,000 is way too generous. I think CEOs should get no more than the lowest paid person in their company and no bonus payouts until they (the company) can repay the taxpayers for the bailout. And I would make that retro-active. Seems only fair to me and maybe it would be some incentive to turn things around more quickly. I work in the finance industry and I even though my employer laid off 600 people in the last month, I am proud to say that they have not taken any TARP funds. It’s comforting to know that I work for a company that has some integrity in this world of greed. Granted I wish there was another way to keep those 600 employees but I get the why behind the decision they had to make. Of course these ideas would never make anywhere in our culture but I suppose we can all dream right? As the babyboomer generation fades from positions of power I hope that my generation will not be as careless when it is our turn to take the helm. Ok, I’m done.
I didn’t mean to let so much time pass between posts. I have so much to catch up on. Facebook has consumed much of time. I have dozens of pictures to post and I hope to get that all done this weekend. Oh one more note before I sign off….
Hi Steve!
Thank you for making me a better person
Today Courtney and I had to say good-bye to our best friend Chase today. Chase came into my life and completely filled a hole in my heart. Chase brought us so much joy over the past eleven years. She loved us unconditionally and she was ruler of our house. Words can’t express how much hurt Courtney and I are feeling right now. Neither one of us can stop crying for more than five minutes. Joey, Phoebe and Winston will miss their big sister very much. We know that you are going on to a better place and I hope that heaven has a huge meadow for you to run around in. Chase, we will miss you so much.
Holiday crunch time
Let me just say that I am an idiot to think that I can work a retail job during the holidays and keep up with my busy life. Jeez! I really wanted to go up to Flagstaff to play in the snow, but noooo I have to work all weekend! This next week is going to be nuts for me. Today is my only day off from the second job until Christmas Eve. And seriously people why are you waiting until the last minute to buy gifts and then expecting me to gift wrap it when I am the only one in the store with a line of other last minute shoppers behind you??!! Save yourselves the hassle, order online people!!!
I am making a handful of gifts for the family and I haven’t even started those yet. I’m uploading about a hundred photos to Costco as we speak. I think I’m pretty good on the supplies front for the most part. I may need to make one small trip to Scrapbooks Etc tonight for binder rings but otherwise I think I’m good on the supply front. I’m trying my best to use the stuff that I have because I have a ton of it and I don’t need to spend any more cash at the scrapbook store.
I also have to keep up on the everyday stuff which working two jobs makes it all the more difficult. I’m going to try to take breaks…scrapbook, do a load of laundry, scrapbook, vacuum, scrapbook, pick up dog food, scrapbook, eat…etc. I’m working from home today and I’ve pretty much done the bulk of my work stuff already which should leave the rest of my day fuss free. Coffee stat!
I’m officially old. I went to get my yearly checkup and I have to schedule myself for a mammogram now. Nothing to worry about, just a baseline scan. It just made me feel thirty-seven and a little stunned that I’m at this point in my life when my body is changing. Speaking of changing…I’ve lost twenty pounds and I’m down two dress sizes! I just got my first pair of size 20 jeans yesterday! That’s all the motivation that I need to keep loosing. And on a depressing note…I got turned down for supplemental life insurance because of my weight, height and depression. That sucks. I hate insurance companies!
Well that’s all that I have for now. Have a safe weekend!
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