Moving along

On September 9, 2011, in It's a All About me, by elisabet

Turning forty wasn’t so bad. We celebrated with family and friends, just the way I like it, everyone in one place. I really do have some awesome people around me. I couldn’t ask for anything more.

Courtney and I went to North Carolina to visit my sister and her family. We also spent a few days in my hometown, hanging out at the Apple Festival and visiting my mommy. There was lots of grits and biscuits eaten. I’ve been home for three days and I’m still not hungry! It was a good visit. I don’t talk much about it on here but it’s always hard to see my mommy. And now that she is seventy-one, with gray hair and in a wheelchair, it so much more difficult. You can barely understand her when she speaks because she has no teeth or dentures anymore. When I look into her eyes I catch little moments when I can see my mom in there, then I blink and she’s gone. I know she can’t articulate it but I get the sense that she is happy when we visit.

I had the rest of the week off from work. Kinda not looking forward to Monday. I haven’t checked in while on vacation and who knows what mess is waiting for me in my inbox. It’s going to take me a month just to catch up! I hate that. School is going well. History of Photography instructor is pissing me off already. It’s an online class and he wants active participation, meaning that he is actually grading us on our responses to other students posts. Which is fine but he has been a stickler for grammar and spelling, and I’m ok with that. What I’m not cool with is that it’s ok for him to make those mistakes. I’ve gotten a couple of emails where he omitted words and there is a misspelling in the syllabus! Seriously, if you’re going to ride my ass about that stuff, you need to follow your own rules dude!

It’s late and as you can tell I’ve been playing around with the blog design instead of sleeping. Courtney is going to be up in three hours and I should get some sleep. I’ve got a big morning planned, house chores and cleaning the garden. Good times!

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Lightbulb

On July 24, 2011, in It's a All About me, by elisabet

My therapist pointed something out to me in our last visit, my ability to mother extends far beyond my family. It made me think, maybe this is my path in life? My family and friends need me, not all the time but when they do, they really need my help. It makes sense. I’m about to do something for a friend and keeping it to myself has been the worst. It’s nothing terrible, but it is something that is completely unexpected. My friend will be totally surprised. And that where I find my greatest happiness, taking care of the ones I love most.

I met with an academic advisor this past week to map out my course load. I have fourteen more classes to finish before I even transfer to ASU where I will finish my Computer Science degree. CRIPES! I can really only take two, maybe three courses a semester which means that I will be fifty by the time I finish. It seems so daunting, so unattainable. But that’s OK because no one ever asks how long you’ve had your degree, they just want you to have one.

I do want to say that my heart goes out to the people of Norway.

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The next 365 days

On August 26, 2010, in It's a All About me, by elisabet

I’m 39 today, 365 days closer to 40. Normally getting a year older doesn’t bother me but this birthday feels so different. The last year has been a draining emotional ride. Going from not being able to get pregnant to two miscarriages almost sucked the life out of me. I’m still not hopeful that a baby will be in our future. I decided that we’re not going to do anything extreme to have a baby, no IVF or insemination. And there is an end date for how long I will focus on this goal, 365 days. If it doesn’t happen by the big 40, then it just wasn’t in my future and I will move on. Even as I am writing this I’m in tears, I’m saying good-bye to a dream but I believe that giving it an end date it will help me see the light at the end of the tunnel which will keep me sane. I’ll trade in the minivan for a mini cooper and drive off into the sunset.

At the last minute I decided to go back to school. I’ve been wanting to finish getting my BS for a long time but something else always got in the way. I’m going part-time, two classes, algebra and sociology. Classes started this week and I’m the oldest person in the class. Things so far are going well but I’m only two days in to it. Give it three weeks and I’ll be pulling my hair out. It’s all good though, I feel like this is the path I should be on right now.

I have the next two days off, I’m going to enjoy my special day with family and friends.

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My memories

On October 17, 2009, in It's a All About me, My Posse, by elisabet

With all the twenty year reunion talk it’s made me think about the past more. Specifically gradeschool and growing up. I went to catholic school, K through 8, I can barely remember Kindergarden and first grade but the rest of the years are still pretty vivid in my mind. I’m putting together a scrapbook of my school years and I’ve posted the class pictures in Facebook for all my old friends to see. I can remember pretty much everyone’s name and various events. So I was browsing the pages of people that I would have graduated with had we not moved and came across many of my grade school friends. I sent a few friend requests but I think maybe I’m regretting it now. I can’t remember if I’ve talked about it on here or not, so I apologize if I am repeating myself.

Sixth Grade - Immaculata

I went to grade school with the same kids from second grade through eighth grade. As a class, as a school, we were all pretty close. After eighth grade we had to make the choice as to which high school we were all going to attend in the fall but the majority of us decided on Hendersonville High, which was just a block away. Maybe I was naive but I just assumed that we would remain friends in high school. Two weeks before school was to start, my sister and I had our usual joint birthday pool party. All our friends came and we all had a great time. Just two weeks later my friends and I started high school. My friend Carolyn and I hated that we only had one class together, French, but I was trying to have a positive attitude and took it as my chance to make new friends, after all I still had my current friends…or so I thought.

High school is scary enough as a Freshman. I was trying to avoid the dreaded and embarrassing Freshman initiation and try to remember my locker combination. I knew no one in my first few classes that morning. I had seen some of the other kids around town but didn’t know anyone personally. As the day progressed I saw my ‘friends’ and I walked up to say ‘Hi’ and ask how their day was going, they turned away, as if they didn’t see me. I thought, ok maybe they were in a rush, I’ll catch up with them later. I walked into computer science class and one boy, whom I will call G, was already sitting in a desk. There was not a seat near him, but I walked over to see how things were going for him. I stood in front of him, looked at him and said ‘Hi G! How is your day going? Its great to have at least one class where I know someone.” He looked right through me as if I was a ghost that he couldn’t see or hear. Class started and I walked back to my seat. When class was over he ran out of the room before I could approach him again. I moved on to my next class but I was completely thrown for a loop over his reaction. After lunch I saw my friend, who just last week I spent riding bikes all over town with, and he walked right by me without saying a word. Dude you shouldn’t ignore the one person who didn’t make fun of you for eating paste in the second grade, I’m just saying. Other than my friend Carolyn, the people I thought who were my friends wouldn’t talk to me. Maybe they were stressed out or something. Apparently they were stressed out for the entire school year because I never spoke to them again. Oh it’s not like I didn’t try either. Even at Sunday mass they wouldn’t say hi. No phone calls were returned either.

I spent my entire Freshman year at HHS pretty much alone. I ate lunch in my science class room staring out at the football field. I participated in Powder Puff Football only to sit on the sideline. I wasn’t fast enough for the swim team. And I was still too awkward to have a boyfriend. I was totally miserable. I cried every night in my room but yet I managed to put on a brave face and get up for school. To this very day I have no idea why I was shunned. A part of me wants to know why but I think deep down I already know the answer.

When my father told us that we were going to be moving to Phoenix my world came tumbling down. I was ready to chain myself to my tire swing tree, I was not going to move from the only place I had ever known. I remember the day that Carolyn and I had to say goodbye, we both cried our eyes out and promised to write. Which we did and we still send emails from time to time. She has a great heart. As for the others, I never heard a peep from them.

Now that we are all on Facebook its funny to see the friend requests that I get from that part of my life. Some of which I made the first move and others requested me. It makes me wonder if they even remember how crappy they were to me. I realize that they don’t remember and I usually accept their friend requests because I am trying to be the bigger person.

I think had I not gone through that experience I wouldn’t have understood the value of the friendships I have now. The friends I have now are my friends for life and I blessed to have them in my life.

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I heart Depeche Mode

On August 24, 2009, in I am a Pop Culture Geek, It's a All About me, My Posse, by elisabet

Even more than Twilight, can you believe it? Depeche Mode and I go way, way back. When I moved to Phoenix I got the chance to see them for the first time and I became a truly devoted fan. I’ve seen every Phoenix show since 1988, went to Vegas to see them at the Hard Rock, and this year LA.

While we were waiting for the show, we shared stories about the good old days when there was general admission and we had to wait for hours in line at Veterans in the middle of summer and we all wore black just to get somewhere close to the stage. While I remember each and every show, what really pulls at my heartstrings are the memories that I have of Depeche Mode at full volume in my little Honda CRX and driving all over Phoenix with my friends. Here we all are, closer to forty than thirty, and when Martin Gore came out to sing Somebody we were instantly seventeen again screaming as loud as we could. It amazes me that at this point in my life my love for this band is just as strong as it was when I was twelve. I took a moment and looked around me, it wasn’t just me that was screaming, so was every girl and even some boys.

I had an amazing time tonight with my all-time favorite band and four of my closest friends. No matter what happens guys, we will always have Depeche Mode to bring us together.

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