Moving along

On September 9, 2011, in It's a All About me, by elisabet

Turning forty wasn’t so bad. We celebrated with family and friends, just the way I like it, everyone in one place. I really do have some awesome people around me. I couldn’t ask for anything more.

Courtney and I went to North Carolina to visit my sister and her family. We also spent a few days in my hometown, hanging out at the Apple Festival and visiting my mommy. There was lots of grits and biscuits eaten. I’ve been home for three days and I’m still not hungry! It was a good visit. I don’t talk much about it on here but it’s always hard to see my mommy. And now that she is seventy-one, with gray hair and in a wheelchair, it so much more difficult. You can barely understand her when she speaks because she has no teeth or dentures anymore. When I look into her eyes I catch little moments when I can see my mom in there, then I blink and she’s gone. I know she can’t articulate it but I get the sense that she is happy when we visit.

I had the rest of the week off from work. Kinda not looking forward to Monday. I haven’t checked in while on vacation and who knows what mess is waiting for me in my inbox. It’s going to take me a month just to catch up! I hate that. School is going well. History of Photography instructor is pissing me off already. It’s an online class and he wants active participation, meaning that he is actually grading us on our responses to other students posts. Which is fine but he has been a stickler for grammar and spelling, and I’m ok with that. What I’m not cool with is that it’s ok for him to make those mistakes. I’ve gotten a couple of emails where he omitted words and there is a misspelling in the syllabus! Seriously, if you’re going to ride my ass about that stuff, you need to follow your own rules dude!

It’s late and as you can tell I’ve been playing around with the blog design instead of sleeping. Courtney is going to be up in three hours and I should get some sleep. I’ve got a big morning planned, house chores and cleaning the garden. Good times!

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Eve of 40

On August 25, 2011, in It's a All About me, When Life Gets in the Way, by elisabet

Its be a while I know. I say this a lot but things just don’t seem like they’re going to slow down anytime soon. Uggggh!

Today is day one of a much needed vacation from work. I love the direction of where I’m going at work but I really needed a break. Time to recharge. I’m taking on more technical work at the office which has its good and bad to it. The good, I’m learning a TON and I’m being exposed to so many new opportunities. It’s all really exciting for a nerd like me. The bad, I work long hours and not that anyone asks that of me, I do it all on my own. My OCD kicks into gear and I have to have things perfect before I can leave. I hate that part.

School started this week. I started out with just seven credit hours, two classes, but I added one more at the last minute. I’m going to be fifty before I finish my degree. I just want it over already. So far it doesn’t seem like it’s going to be too rough, lots of reading though. I think Biology is going to be a bit rough but the other two classes are a bit easier. I say this now, watch I’ll be crying over it in two weeks.

So tomorrow is the big day. 4 – 0. I think I’m gonna sleep all day.

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Lightbulb

On July 24, 2011, in It's a All About me, by elisabet

My therapist pointed something out to me in our last visit, my ability to mother extends far beyond my family. It made me think, maybe this is my path in life? My family and friends need me, not all the time but when they do, they really need my help. It makes sense. I’m about to do something for a friend and keeping it to myself has been the worst. It’s nothing terrible, but it is something that is completely unexpected. My friend will be totally surprised. And that where I find my greatest happiness, taking care of the ones I love most.

I met with an academic advisor this past week to map out my course load. I have fourteen more classes to finish before I even transfer to ASU where I will finish my Computer Science degree. CRIPES! I can really only take two, maybe three courses a semester which means that I will be fifty by the time I finish. It seems so daunting, so unattainable. But that’s OK because no one ever asks how long you’ve had your degree, they just want you to have one.

I do want to say that my heart goes out to the people of Norway.

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The summer of 40

On July 5, 2011, in It's a All About me, by elisabet

Where have I been? There is an easy answer to that question, I’ve been stuck in the chaos that is my life. School finished in early May, then work has just gone bonkers. It hasn’t been calm in the cube farm for weeks. I made a quick trip to Raleigh to take care of my sister after she broke her foot. It was nice to get away but after about two days with my sister I’m ready to leave. Home life has just been cruising along. I made a list of all the things I wanted to get done before school starts back up, so far I can only mark off one project. But the important thing is that I FINISHED one project! I really don’t like being this busy. It leaves me no time to do creative stuff like quilting and scrapbooking. I’m happy but I would be much happier if I could find time to sew or be crafty.

This whole being an adult thing really stinks sometimes. We have been working on some home improvement projects this year. We got the pool remodeled and the roof re-shingled. All things that I knew were needed but I could have had much more fun spending that cash on a new computer or a new couch. But this is what being a responsible adult is all about right? By getting these big ticket improvements done I am saving myself from future expenses which could have easily doubled. Ugh! I hated writing those checks. But now that summer is here I am so happy we got the pool done. It’s nice to come home to a sparkling clean blue pool after a long day at work. And with monsoon season starting I don’t have to worry about my roof blowing off.

The countdown is speeding to the big 4-0. I’m not normally the girl that stresses or makes a fuss over their birthday but dude this birthday is really freaking me out. I just thought my life would be different at this point. I thought my life would feel less like it did when I was in my twenties, it really hasn’t changed much. I thought I would have a house full of kids running around, that hasn’t happened. That’s probably the biggest shock for me. I really envisioned having kids, someone to leave my legacy to after I’m gone. I still haven’t completely warmed up to the reality that I will never have kids. The hopelessness is roughly 75% and then there is that 25% that believes it will happen. Everyone always asks if we have thought about adoption. I’ve thought about it but I really don’t think that is in our plan. It scares me. I hear stories all the time about how a couple patiently waits for their baby only to have it yanked away the moment the child is born because the birth parent changed their minds. I don’t think I could live through that. Fostering children would also be tough. I don’t think I could let the kids go back to their birth parents. This is why I don’t foster dogs. Can’t bear to part with them. So where does that leave us? Unless we magically win the lottery I don’t hear the pitter patter of little feet in our future. I think turning 40 is going to be a pretty big thing for me. Trying to put things into perspective and keeping myself moving forward is going to be a big challenge. Looks like I won’t be quitting my meds anytime soon.

It has been a horribly hot weekend. I could barely muster up any energy to get stuff done around the house. I can feel it now, it’s going to be a crazy work week. Meeting with the boss at 8am tomorrow. I’m off to bed.

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The final stretch

On April 23, 2011, in It's a All About me, When Life Gets in the Way, by elisabet

So I’m down to the last two weeks of this semester. I am so happy for all the madness to end. Seriously, I feel like I have been running non-stop since January and last month has just been insanely busy. I don’t have anything crafty to share because I haven’t been able to make anything. This is how my days have been going:

4:00am: First alarm goes off, fumble for the snooze bar
4:15am: Alarm goes off again, nudge Courtney to get up; go back to sleep
5:30am: CRAP! Push Courtney out of bed and into the shower
5:45am: Time for me to actually get my ass out of bed
6:30am: Mumble to myself that I wanted to leave the house by now but I barely have myself put together at this point
7:00am: Run around the house; plug iphone, ipad, headphones, etc to sync and charge
7:06am: All the dogs scurry around me as I get their breakfast ready
7:10am: Make sure Phoebe didn’t bully Winston into giving up his food; checkout garden, water plants, and bitch about how the tomato seeds aren’t sprouting yet
7:15am: WTF! My podcasts didn’t sync yet!
7:30am: Yes, that’s how long it took for everything to sync; curse Qwest DSL
7:32am: Finally out the door
7:55am:
In my beige cube getting ready for a crazy day
9:00am: Finished first scan of new emails; Already pissed and wishing I could kick people in the teeth.
11:00am: IM work friend for lunch; I want salad, she wants Taco Hell, we go our separate ways for lunch
1:00pm: Thankful that I had salad for lunch; No afternoon ‘I ate the whole thing’ food coma
3:23pm: The PM that I was to have a meeting with at 2pm wants to meet now when I have 7 minutes before I need to leave for school; Meeting DECLINED sucker!
4:00pm: School; Wonders why all the teachers sound like the adults from a Charlie Brown episode
8:30pm:
8:45pm: Scrounge around for something semi-healthy for dinner but wishing I had stopped at Jack in the Box on the
10:30pm: way home
10:35pm: Start watching Conan monalogue
10:36pm: I’m out

And then it’s the same crap all over again. I think my problem is that I have all these things that I need to do like work, school and house cleaning and all the fun stuff gets put off until the weekend. By that point I am dead tired and have no motivation to do anything that involves me moving more than a foot away from the couch.

I did manage to get tickets to see Mumford & Sons in Tempe tomorrow. So excited about that show! We didn’t go to Coachella this year and part of me was sad about that but the pushing 40 yr old me is happy to not have rub icy hot on my legs because I spent the entire weekend standing.

Two more weeks. I can make it. Then I’m totally scheduling a couple of late night scrapbooking crops and/or quilting classes.

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